Long-Distance Relationship Advice for Males in their Early 20’s

By Jimmy Warden

In my early 20s, I didn’t know what it took to be in a successful long-distance relationship.

I was in college, and I had two separate long-distance relationships. Unfortunately, I was the only one putting in the appropriate amount of effort, so the relationships dramatically failed.

When you’re the only one making effort, it erodes the relationship, and your well-being is the price you pay. You’ll get depressed, agitated, and hopeless. You’ll feel like you can never love someone.

All relationships are a two-way street, so there should be a fair amount of reciprocity.

As a result, I learned how important it was to find someone who understood reciprocity. And, if you can find someone who is honest, goes the extra mile (literally), and listens, you’ll have a successful long-distance relationship.

I was able to find that person in my mid-20s. I’ve been in a relationship with her for over three years, and our entire first year was long-distance.

Here are three pieces of advice to make the distance work.

#1. Be honest about your needs.

If you aren’t, your partner won’t know how to help you. It’s also a stereotype that men shouldn’t be needy, but everyone has needs, so communicate them.

  • How often do you want to talk on the phone?
  • When is it okay to not text each other?
  • How often should you visit each other in person?

These are three questions I didn’t have clear answers to in my first two relationships but had clear answers to in my third relationship. The relationship thrived as a result.

#2. Plan your in-person visits.

When you don’t plan these, they don’t happen. Life gets in the way, and excuses come into play, so create a schedule.

My partner and I decided we’d see each other at least once a month. Depending on the distance of your relationship, that may not be feasible, so consider these two things:

  • What’s an appropriate amount of time between in-person visits?
  • Are there ways to meet in the middle if the full-distance travel is too much?

#3. Be honest when reciprocity is lacking.

If you’re not, things go south rapidly. Here’s how you determine if that’s happening.

  • Are both of yourneeds getting met?
  • Are you both following through on your visitation and communication plan?

If not, it’s time to have an honest conversation about how to fix that. Use the answers to those questions as data points to steer the conversation.

So implement this advice now. It’ll be a great compass to decide if you should stay in your relationship or call it off.

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